My sweet Hunter's Birthday is tomorrow. He would have been 6 years old. How big he would have been. I have been really torn with lots of mixed emotions this whole week. I hate that he is gone and I miss him so much. I think about him often which brings tears to my eyes. I have been in this emotional roller coaster for awhile now. He was such a smart sweet boy. I keep telling myself that god needed him more than us right now but that doesn't seem to ease the pain. It has been really hard for me and I am doing my best to stay strong. I remember the day he stopped breathing that his dad was visiting him and had to leave to take care of his little brother (Kaleb). Jeff said I love you son and in his sweet little sick voice he said I love you to Dad. Those were the last words that Jeff heard him say and I am very greatful of that. Hunter was a kind, sweet, loving child and we are glad he was a part of our lives even if it was only for a short while.
Everyone wants to know what I/we want to do for his birthday. I just don't know what to say. The last few years we have bought balloons to let off at the cemetary in rememberance of him on his birthday but last year it was cold and rainy and the balloons wouldn't float. It was really hard to have to take the balloons back home and then to try again a few days later. It was really emotional for me. So this year I stress out on what we should do that won't be so painful. Then I am told a story that breaks my heart. Peggy's oldest daughter Tatum had a birthday last month and had some balloons. When then went outside she said to her mom. "Can I give my balloons to Hunter" of course she said yes. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I am glad that some of the nieces and nephews still remember him. I am not really sure what I am going to do still. I guess we will just have to wait to see what tomorrow brings.
4 years ago
2 comments:
Sigh. My heart aches for you. I dont think God needed him more than you do. Remember that God is our Father. He loves us like you love Hunter. He doesn't want you to be sad or heart broken. He didn't DO this to you or TAKE Hunter from you... I think it must be overwhelming for Him, our Father in Heaven, to have to allow us to experience all the pain and suffering that we experience. But... it's life. We came to Earth to learn. We need experiences to learn and to grow. There aren't really any good explainations that will ease the pain of a mother who has lost a child but I know that our Father in Heaven grieves and aches along with us. The only difference is His perspective. He can see the big picture and we just have to have faith that it'll all work out.
Did any of that even make sense? Sorry.
Happy Birthday to your sweet first born.
Oh Tammy and Jeff, I am thinking of you, Hunter and the whole family a lot. I was there when you were carrying him and was very lucky to meet him when he was about a year old. It is heartbreaking everytime I think of the day Augie called. I am so proud of you all staying so strong. I am really bad in "ease the pain" talks, but I want you to all know that we are thinking of all of you so much! Love, Iveta and the boys
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